


A Kiss of Uncertainty

by erosen13



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7119235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erosen13/pseuds/erosen13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were living in such an uncertain time that neither of them knew if this week would be the last week they spent together. Bucky was registered with the draft and Steve was working on enlisting, and neither of them were sure about anything except that they had to make every day count. </p>
<p>Or First Kiss(tm) that was supposed to be like 2 pages long and is now 7</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Kiss of Uncertainty

The room was smoky and loud, with music spilling through all the cracks in the walls and out the front door to entice passersby in for a night of dancing and debauchery. Steve sat perched on a barstool, both hands wrapped carefully around the glass of now luke-warm beer he’d been holding onto all night. A girl accidentally sent an elbow flying his way, and he caught it right in the chest, which caused him to cough a little and to recieve a worried glance from his friend, who was leaning against the bar and grinning.  
If their physical contrasts weren’t enough to clue an onlooker into their differences, their social contrasts would paint a complete picture. While Steve sat nervously on the edge of a group of cute girls with perfectly curled hair, Bucky was the focal point. Too polite and too cocky to turn down that much attention, he was a crowd favorite wherever they went. Bucky laughed loudly at something one of the girls said to him, throwing his head back and looking like the picture of pure joy. Steve grinned watching his display, loving how expressive he always was. While Bucky’s entertainment for the night was drinking and dancing, Steve’s entertainment was watching Bucky shine.  
He caught Bucky’s eye, motioned to the little sign on the wall pointing to the bathroom, and set his drink down on the counter. He didn’t mind being in crowded places at first, but after an hour of it he started to get a little jumpy and restless. Instead of heading to the toilets, he dipped out the back door for some fresh air. A couple of men were leaning on the dirty walls a few yards down, talking loudly and smoking cigarettes. Steve kicked around a pebble for a few minutes, wondering how long they were going to be out tonight, whether Bucky would be coming home with him or with one of the girls he was so keen to flirt with. He knew that he had no right to be jealous or annoyed with the girls, that it didn’t matter what he thought or maybe felt, but it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.  
His brooding was interrupted by the door he’d just exited slamming open loudly and a couple of giggling girls spilling out, linking arms to stay upright, a shared pink flush spreading over their cheeks and noses. He watched them stumble down the alleyway, smiling listening to them laugh.  
“Hey ladies, what are a couple of pretty girls like you doing out so late?” One of the men Steve had noticed earlier peeled himself off the wall and stepped in the path of the girls. They ignored him and tried to keep walking, but his buddy also stepped in and grabbed one of their arms.  
“What say we go continue the night somewhere else?” He leered, not letting go of her arm.  
“Hey!” Steve yelled, pushing off of the wall and walking over to them, trying to look bigger than he actually was. The men looked confused for a second, obviously noticing Steve for the first time. “Why don’t you leave them alone?” His strong words were marred slightly by the fact that they were coming out of a 90 pound kid with a limp. The girl pulled her arm away while the man was distracted and she and her friend stumbled away. The men looked like they were going to go after them.  
“Hey men, let’s go back inside, let those girls get home on their own.” Steve finally stood in front of them, trying to stay calm and keep his voice level.  
“We’re not doing anything you say, buddy.” One of them sneered. His friend stepped forward and it suddenly dawned on Steve just how big this guy was.  
“Listen, I’m not trying to start any trouble-” Steve started, but then there was a sudden movement and he felt something hard connect with his jaw. He stumbled backwards but managed to stay on his feet. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his hand into a fist, ready to fight back. He swung his arm at the guy and connected with his face in what was honestly just pure luck.  
Unfortunately, it wasn’t hard enough to do much damage, and only served to enrage him, while his friend just crossed his arms and looked bored. The fighter swung again, this time connecting with Steve’s nose, sending blood gushing down his face, and then finally an elbow to the head knocked him to the ground. He tried to get up again, not willing to go down so easily, but then a loud bang from behind them drew their attention.  
The door to the bar flew open and another group of people spilled out of it. Steve recognized the laugh of one of them and sighed, knowing that Bucky couldn’t help but get involved if he saw Steve like this. And that’s exactly what happened. One moment, Bucky was laughing with his arm around two pretty blonde girls, and then next he had made eye contact with Steve, assessed the situation, and was walking quickly toward the man with blood on his knuckles.  
“Hey man it’s not a big deal-” The big man tried to say, but Bucky pulled back and punched him as hard as he could before he tried to make any excuses. One punch sent him to the ground, and then Bucky kicked him once in the side for good measure. His friend had stopped looking bored and was now trying to grab his arm and pull him away, looking at Bucky warily. They disappeared into the night, leaving Steve still on the ground, Bucky breathing angrily, and the two girls to quietly slip back inside the bar, quickly realizing that Bucky might be more trouble than he’s worth.  
Steve tried to get up, but before he could, Bucky was there offering a hand and a smile.  
“I leave you alone for ten minutes and you get into a fight. It’s not even midnight, Rogers.” He joked, pulling Steve up from the ground and offering him a dirty handkerchief to hold to his nose and stop the bleeding.  
“I had ‘em on the ropes.” Steve responded, his voice muffled under the rag, still tasting blood in his mouth.  
“Sure you did.” Bucky took the rag from Steve’s hand and checked his nose, nodding to himself as he saw the bleeding had stopped. He tried to wipe up the blood as much as possible, and then put his arm around Steve’s shoulders. “So, where to? Are you done for the night or did you want to come over to my place?” Bucky asked, keeping his steps small so that they could comfortably walk together like this.  
“I’ll come over, it’s not like I have to be home at a certain time.” They walked in silence for a couple of minutes before Bucky removed his arm from around Steve’s shoulders when they hit more brightly lit areas.  
Bucky started chattering about something, probably plans for later in the week, while Steve tried to ignore the pain in his head from getting knocked to the ground. He probably should go home and try to sleep it off, but he’d much rather spend as much time with his friend as possible.  
They were living in such an uncertain time that neither of them knew if this week would be the last week they spent together. Bucky was registered with the draft and Steve was working on enlisting, and neither of them were sure about anything except that they had to make every day count.  
They finally made it to Bucky’s apartment, located in a part of town that was still bustling with brightly colored people everywhere. Steve waved to one of Bucky’s neighbors that they often passed when climbing the stairs to his apartment. Bucky stopped to tie his shoe before they began the three story trek to his door, drawing out the process so that Steve would have time for a head start. Bucky knew his friend hated asking for help and would try to keep up whenever possible, but regardless, he went out of his way to accommodate him. When he saw Steve turn the corner, he started up, going slowly so as not to rush Steve.  
“Come on old man, you have the keys.” Steve raised his voice slightly, a little out of breath from the stairs but not missing an opportunity to tease Bucky.  
Bucky finished climbing the stairs and rolled his eyes at Steve before unlocking the door and walking inside, leaving Steve to close the door behind him.  
“Want something to drink?” He called from the kitchen. Steve thought about it for a second before saying no and following him to the kitchen.  
“Are you hungry? I can cook something if you didn’t eat before we went out.” Steve said, opening Bucky’s cabinets and frowning and the lack of food.  
“I’m okay, I’ll just have another beer.” Bucky grabbed a bottle, opened it, and leaned back against the counter. Steve jumped up to sit on the counter next to Bucky, swinging his legs a little and waiting for Bucky to suggest they do something.  
“Do you ever think about what’s going to happen?” Bucky’s question pierced the silence seemingly out of nowhere, his voice playing it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but his stiff shoulders displaying stress. Steve waited to see if he was going to clarify, but when Bucky was silent, he replied.  
“All the time. I’ll go off to war and you can wait for me at home, like a housewife.” Steve joked, elbowing Bucky’s shoulder to try and lighten the mood. Bucky frowned and turned so he could catch Steve’s eye.  
“I’m serious, Stevie, my number could come up in the draft any day. And maybe some crazy bastard will actually let you enlist.” Bucky bit his lip and raised his eyebrows, looking concerned. “Either way, we don’t really have any control over what happens to us anymore.”  
Steve could tell Bucky had been thinking about this for a while, that it had been on his mind all evening probably. That he was actually being serious, something very rare and hidden that all but his closest friends would guess Bucky Barnes didn’t have a serious bone in his body. It was times like this, with maybe a little too much to drink and a future a little too dark that his serious came out, tensing the muscles in his shoulders and creasing lines between his eyebrows.  
Steve was at a loss. He wasn’t sure what Bucky wanted or needed right now, had never been good at sensing what Bucky wanted because he was so damn cryptic all the time, hiding behind that wry smile and a loud laugh.  
“Maybe you should just try to control the things in your life that you can.” Steve suggested, jumping off the counter and remembering that he was quite a bit shorter than Bucky when he had to look up to meet his eyes. “I can control what I do right now, I can control what we eat for breakfast, most likely. I can control which pillow I get to use if I sleep here tonight.” Steve shrugged.  
“I’m not so sure about that last one.” Bucky laughed, trying to bring himself out of his contemplative mood. Steve laughed with him, putting his hand on Bucky’s arm to keep himself standing because for some reason that was the funniest thing he’d heard all week, and Bucky was laughing, and they both felt okay.  
The laughter died down after a minute, Bucky wiping tears from his eyes and shaking his head.  
“I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks.” Bucky said, grinning down at Steve winking. Steve rolled his eyes.  
“I definitely saw you about two hours ago laughing like a lunatic in the bar, don’t try that with me.” Steve punched him lightly in the arm. “Are we going to do anything or did I come over here to just listen to you complain?” Steve joked, looking once more in the empty cupboards before sighing and resigning himself to no snacks.  
“Poker? I’ve got cards and I’m always up to take your money.” Bucky grabbed a deck of cards from the drawer next to the old and probably broken stove. Steve felt around in his pockets and came up empty handed.  
“Buck, neither of us has any money.”  
“Doesn’t matter, let’s play anyway.” So they walked into the living area and sat on the floor, facing each other.  
“Sorry you had to hit that guy, by the way. I almost had him, but I still appreciate you showing up.” Steve said, interrupting their quiet focus.  
“Of course you almost had him…” Bucky replied, looking up and down Steve’s body for good measure, as if trying to say all 90 pounds of you had him. “It’s no problem, it got those girls off my back at least.” Bucky laughed again.  
“I don’t understand you, Buck. You pull more girls than anyone I know, and yet have you ever had a real girlfriend?” Steve shook his head.  
“I don’t have time for a girlfriend, not when I’m protecting your skinny ass constantly.” Bucky winked. “Besides, you know you’re the only one for me.” He grinned and then laid down his cards. Steve felt himself blush a little, then frowned when he saw Bucky’s hand of cards absolutely beat his by miles.  
“Stop saying crazy things like that, you’re distracting me from winning.” Steve folded his hand and pushed the pennies they were using as chips over to Bucky, who gleefully swept them up.  
“I think you mean losing!” Bucky mocked, and then threw his cards at Steve. “I’m bored, poker is only fun when it’s real money.” He leaned back onto his forearms and stretched his legs out in front of him.  
“You’re just worried I’m gonna beat you next hand.” Steve grumbled, cleaning up the mess his friend had made.  
“Let’s go to the roof.” Bucky suggested suddenly, jumping up from his lounging position and holding out a hand to help Steve off the floor.  
“It’s late, Buck, you don’t want to get yelled at by your neighbors again, do you?” Steve asked, but accepted the help up anyway.  
“I feel like we need to just do whatever we can. Like you said before about controlling what we can. And right now, being young and reckless, I feel the need to go onto the roof.” Bucky dropped Steve’s hand and walked over to the window where the ladder for the fire escape led to the top of the building.  
Steve watched him climb out and up, and sighed before following him. Bucky’s idea of adventure usually involved climbing something. Then of course, came the monologue of whatever was going on in his head, because Bucky Barnes loved the sound of his own voice. Steve knew how these nights went. He usually woke up with some bruises and even more confused about what Bucky was thinking than before. For someone who talked so much, Bucky rarely said anything of substance. Steve had learned more about his best friend from his silences and body language than from anything he’d said.  
When he finally made it up to the roof, breathing hard and cursing his asthma, he saw Bucky laying on his back and staring at the sky. Steve walked towards him until he was standing directly over Bucky and blocking his view of the stars.  
“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked, finally sitting next to Bucky and watching his face for a response.  
Bucky didn’t respond for a second, trying to decide how to answer that question.  
“I think you’re right, about trying to control what we can.” He started, focusing on Steve’s face and smiling at the confusion he saw. He loved how expressive Steve’s features always were. The dark lighting made the shadows on his face even more pronounced, and Bucky watched confusion drift into annoyance at the staring.  
“Stop looking at me like that, jerk.” Steve said, frowning and poking Bucky in the side to distract him. Sometimes Bucky’s glance lingered a little too long on Steve, was a little too focused to just be a friendly look.  
“I can’t help it, you’re blocking my view.” Bucky retorted. Steve huffed but laid down next to him anyway, folding his arms under his head and looking up at the stars too.  
“Seriously though, Buck, what’s bothering you right now?” He turned his head to face Bucky, who was already looking back at him. Another quiet pause. The sounds of the neighborhood were starting to die down as people turned in for the night.  
“Since all the guys are going off to war, you’re the next eligible bachelor, aren’t you? Why don’t you get yourself a girlfriend?” Bucky asked, returning to their conversation earlier. Steve frowned, annoyed that Bucky kept skirting around his questions. Annoyed that Bucky kept bringing things up like this. When he didn’t think about romance or dating, he didn’t have to worry about the face that was called to mind. He didn’t have to deal with what was sure to be rejection if those thoughts ever made it past the half-formed phase.  
“No time, I’m enlisting soon, remember?” Steve said, ignoring the sound of disbelief that Bucky made.  
“No one’s caught your eye lately?” Bucky prodded again, fishing for a certain answer, though unsure of what he actually wanted the response to be.  
Steve was now the one to pause. He looked at Bucky’s face, trying to decide how to answer. Bucky winked.  
“You’re always the center of attention, no one even looks at me when you’re around.”  
“I do. Look at you, I mean.” His words were choppy, his sentence not well formed. Steve didn’t have a response. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, confused.  
“Stop joking around.” Steve bit his lip, part of him hoping that it was just a joke, a bigger part of him hoping that maybe there was some truth to what Bucky was saying.  
“I’m serious. Those girls don’t know what they’re missing.”  
Steve felt his heart skip a beat, and suddenly Bucky’s face was a lot closer than it had been before. Again, before he could respond, Bucky interrupted.  
“You could kiss me, if you wanted to.” He said it so nonchalantly, so smoothly, that Steve wasn’t sure what was really happening. “I just mean, if there aren’t any girls you’re interested in, maybe…” He laughed. “Sorry, that’s a silly idea.” He shifted back a little and then they were back to looking at the stars while Steve tried to make his heart go back to its normal rhythm. Bucky started talking again, telling Steve about his week and his plans for the upcoming days. When they started yawning, Bucky decided it was time to call it a night. They both climbed back down the fire escape and into the tiny apartment.  
Steve sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bucky brush his teeth and change into clothes for sleeping. He was still thinking about what Bucky had said earlier, and was irritated that this had been the time he’d chosen to think before acting. After all his talk about taking control of their lives, he’d frozen when it came down to it. As if sensing Steve’s deep thoughts, Bucky popped into the room with a smile.  
“Don’t think too hard, you’ll give yourself a headache.” Bucky picked up a pillow off the floor and threw it at Steve’s head.  
“I’m pretty sure you’re the one giving me a headache.” Steve said, tossing the pillow to the top of the bed and then laying down. Bucky flopped down next to him and buried his head in a pillow, letting out a comical groan of relief. He turned over to face Steve, putting his ankle over Steve’s foot, tangling their legs together so that they more easily fit on the bed together. Growing up with someone meant personal space wasn’t at the forefront of their interactions.  
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Steve asked, automatically readjusting so they fit more comfortably together.  
“About?” Bucky asked. Steve looked at him skeptically. Bucky smiled. “Sure did. But don’t worry, it’s not a big deal, sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”  
“No, I… I mean, it’s okay.” Steve said nervously. Bucky reached over and messed up his hair with a laugh.  
“Don’t be getting soft on me now, Stevie. You’re worrying too much.” His hand lingered a little on Steve’s cheek as he pulled it out of his hair, but then the touch was gone.  
“I’ve never kissed anyone before.”  
“Well goodness, Steve, I can’t go off to the war knowing that.” Bucky joked.  
“Okay.” Steve replied, challenge hardening his eyes. Bucky raised an eyebrow as if sensing a dare. Their faces drifted closer together, neither of them closing the last bit of space between them. Then, taking a deep breath first, Steve brought their lips together. It was just a small movement, and only a quick kiss. Bucky smiled at Steve when he pulled his head back so he could look into his eyes.  
“Was that okay?” Steve asked. Bucky laughed.  
“Always.” He said. “If you want to practice more, I wouldn’t say no.” He smiled. Steve took that as a challenge and leaned in again, pausing right before their lips touched to give Bucky time to pull away if he wanted. He didn’t, and so their lips met again. It was awkward and new and wonderful all at once. Bucky started to take charge, parting his lips, inviting Steve to follow his lead. Their teeth bumped against each other Steve wasn’t sure what to do with his hands and their noses were pressed against each other a little painfully. After a few moments of awkwardness though, Steve found a better angle to hold his head and Bucky had a hand in Steve’s hair and everything was warm and perfect.  
Bucky was the one to pull away first. His eyes were soft and his cheeks red and he was grinning like a maniac.  
“You’re sure that was your first kiss?” He asked. Steve laughed breathily, not trusting himself to say anything yet. Bucky rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling for a minute, and then closed his eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s bed time.”  
Steve let out a breath of air in response, wondering how Bucky could just go to sleep after that. But surely enough, after a few minutes, his breathing had slowed to a regular pace, and a light snore started up. Steve watched him sleep for a couple minutes, trying not to think about what any of this meant and just enjoying the proximity to someone he trusted. Tomorrow they would either talk about it, or more likely dance around the problem and pretend it hadn’t happened. Right now though, Steve moved closer to Bucky so that their bodies were side by side, and let himself be lulled off to sleep by Bucky’s steady breathing as he had so many times before.

**Author's Note:**

> The end!!! I'm dead that certainly was a story that I wrote... I blame my friend who was nice enough to write me a first kiss scene and has been helping with my own writing. (go check her out, http://archiveofourown.org/works/7025077) thank you all for reading!!!


End file.
